However, Andrew Marshall has stated that all episodes were produced in clearable worldwide editions and he can see no reason why the series cannot be released other than "Ridiculous BBC internal tariffs" which is a reference to the cost a distribution company has to pay to enter discussions about releasing their programming.
| Episode # |
Series # |
Title |
Director |
Writer |
Airdate |
| 1 |
1 |
"Leader of the Pack" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
3 September 1991 (1991-09-03) |
| Struggling to keep up with the dual-role of a working mother and housewife, Bill life is chaotic as she receives no help from her lazy and childish husband, Ben, or their immature son, David, and prima donna daughter, Jenny. Bill is called into her daughter's school to see the headmaster who explains that Jenny has not been attending classes. Bill discovers Jenny has been secretly dating a boy with a motorbike, but as Bill has been meeting up with a mysterious biker herself, she doesn't have much to say about it without feeling hypocritical. Bill considers eloping with her biker friend when he offers to take her away from her current life. |
| 2 |
2 |
"Saturday Night and Sunday Morning" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
10 September 1991 (1991-09-10) |
| Jenny is unhappy with her new trainers, and Bill is struggling to keep the house in order which is made a lot harder by the fact that the rest of her family seem unwilling to help. Her relationship with Ben is also strained as he is too tired to have sex with her; he has been falling asleep on the sofa watching snooker. Forced to do the laundry at her neighbour's house, she is confronted by Rona's latest boyfriend Sven, who is unable to speak a word of English. Although he cannot understand her, she tells him the idea of a relationship with Angelo, the biker, is growing more and more tempting. Ben arranges for the family to have Sunday dinner at his sister Tina's house but when they get there, everything turns into a disaster. Tina's misogynistic husband, Brian, takes Ben to the pub, leaving the women to stay at home to cook. Tina tells Bill she is a bad mother because she chooses to work instead of staying at home with her children, and hits David in anger when she realises he has brought his pet rat into her house. Outraged, Bill storms out of the house with David and drives home in Ben's van, but panic sets in when they realise that in their haste, they forgot that Bill does not know how to drive. Angelo shows up and guides Bill safely off to the side of the road. |
| 3 |
3 |
"When the Going Gets Tough the Tough Go Shopping" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
17 September 1991 (1991-09-17) |
| Ben receives a letter from the Inland Revenue, informing him of an appointment with a tax inspector. Bill goes food shopping at the supermarket for Ben's barbecue, but becomes exasperated with one of the girls at the meat counter, who rather than serving Bill, is moaning to a co-worker that she would rather be working at the bakery section than with the meat. When she witnesses a theft and gives chase, Bill herself is mistaken for a thief and is taken for questioning by the store detective, an over-bearing woman who refuses to believe that Bill is innocent. Bill spots Angelo in the supermarket on one of the security cameras, which gives her the inner strength to stand up to the store detective. Ben's barbecue is a disaster and results in Jenny deciding to become a vegetarian. Bill and Rona call the telephone number that was left on a piece of paper on Ben's van, which Bill thinks is from Angelo, only to discover it was left by a potential customer. Ben's meeting with the tax inspector goes well when he finds out he is owed a rebate. |
| 4 |
4 |
"Love and Marriage" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
24 September 1991 (1991-09-24) |
| Panic sets in as the Porters prepare for a not-so-welcomed visit from Bill's nightmare mother Bette, who comes bearing unwanted gifts for Jenny and David in the form of a taffeta dress and a video nasty. Bette is intolerable as she kicks Bill and Ben out of their bedroom, and at dinnertime while Bill prepares some chicken, Bette decides she cannot eat it as chicken repeats on her. Ben offers to pick up fish and chips, but she does not want that either; fried food passes straight through her. The next day, Bill returns home from work and discovers her mother in bed with an old flame, which is the reason she commandeered the master bedroom. Appalled and upset at first, they later have a heart-to-heart conversation, and Bill realises she is becoming more like her mum with age. The temptation of an affair with Angelo rears its head again, while Ben has to visit an ex-girlfriend to do some plumbing work. |
| 5 |
5 |
"Dirty Bowling" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
1 October 1991 (1991-10-01) |
| Bill tries to teach David and Jenny that being honest is a mature and adult trait, while Ben's secretive trips to his workshop are becoming more frequent. Under pressure from doing the housework, coping with a new manager at the bakery and learning to drive, Bill is tested to her limits and overlooks Jenny, who has broken up with her first boyfriend. Bill and Ben go bowling. Rona talks to the tearful teen and reminisces about previous weddings. Ben decides to take Bill out for a night of bowling while Rona babysits David and Jenny, who comforts Jenny by reminiscing over her old flames. Bill is eager to show him her new driving skills and to see the work Ben has been doing on the family car, but is shocked to discover their Austin Montego is now a 1960s Chevrolet. |
| 6 |
6 |
"Young at Heart" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
8 October 1991 (1991-10-08) |
| Money is short in the Porter household as Ben spent all the tax refund money on the car, and Bill's bakery manager refuses to pay on time. Bill makes a trip to the bank to ask for a loan but struggles with the Chevy, until Angelo appears, who could be her guardian angel. Rona writes her telephone number on a carrier bag for a customer at the bakery, but the manager takes by accident and begins calling and pestering her for sex, implying life at work would be easier if she agreed. Rona contemplates it, but Bill is appalled. They initially lead him on, allowing him to strip completely naked, before quitting their jobs and locking him inside the shop. Bill visits David's best friend, Sammy, who lives on a poverty-stricken council estate and realises their life isn't so bad when compared to other people's. Ben talks to David about the birds and the bees, but finds David is more intelligent and mature on the subject than he was expecting. Lacking the second income from Bill's job, Ben decides to sell the car, but knowing how much pleasure he gets from it, Bill allows him to keep it. |
| Episode # |
Series # |
Title |
Director |
Writer |
Airdate |
| 7 |
1 |
"I'm Going Slightly Mad" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
8 September 1992 (1992-09-08) |
| Bill wakes up with Angelo in bed next to her, but when she goes downstairs to find Rona has become a nun, David is playing with a rifle, and Jenny has a punker boyfriend and a tattoo, the shock of it all wakes her up again; she was dreaming. Bored by being unemployed her only relief is the telephone calls from her mother, but when she loses track of he time, she becomes late for signing on. The car breaks down as she makes her way to her appointment, but she finds a mechanic is in the area, who starts to fix it; however, things turn disastrous for her when Anneka Rice of Challenge Anneka arrives to take the mechanic for an episode of her show, and a policeman pulls Bill over as she pushes the car through a red light. Bill finally gets to her DHSS appointment, but her advisor is a rather unstable woman who starts acting more like a client than Bill. Ben hires a new assistant, Chris, but he and Bill are alarmed to discover Chris is actually Christine, the obnoxious meat counter girl from the supermarket. Feeling bored, useless and sick of spending her time at home, Bill decides to take a job with Rona in an airline meals factory. That night, exhausted from the day's events, Bill falls asleep on the couch, while on the television the local news reports a fatal motorcycle accident; a photograph of the victim reveals him to be Angelo. |
| 8 |
2 |
"Bedtime for Bonzo" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
15 September 1992 (1992-09-15) |
| Bill tell Jenny that she hates her new job at the factory, and the hours are causing a strain on her well-being. Meanwhile, Ben catches the flu and Bill also has to watch the next-door neighbours' dog, Bonzo, who suffers from flatulence. When the dog becomes sick with digestive problems the Porters must decide whether to put him down or let him live in pain. Fed up with Ben, Bill gives him some of the dog's asprins but in the night he starts feeling worse and begins to vomit. David has become fascinated by death, especially after a house-fire down the street has killed some people and he wants to watch as their bodies are being brought out. Bill becomes worried when she finds his Action Man tied up in a freezer bag, and then asks for ketchup to use for "playing accidents". Ben is upset that Bill put the dog to sleep and asks if she would do the same to him, given his current situation. In the middle of the night David buries his teddy bear in a shoe-box coffin in the back garden. |
| 9 |
3 |
"One Night in Bangkok" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
22 September 1992 (1992-09-22) |
| Bill gets into trouble at work for sending a rescue note in one of the in-flight food trays claiming she is being held against her will. To cheer her up, Rona tries to persuade her to go on a girls' night out and see a group of male strippers, but she initially refuses. Tina and Brian arrive to tell Ben that their estranged father Frank is returning to the country, and invite him and Bill to their house for a reunion. At the reunion, Tina cannot accept that her father has married Darrani, a Thai woman, but Brian gets on with Frank as they have similar misogynistic views, which disgusts Bill and Ben. Rona and Bill decide to take Tina and Darrani to the strip show, where Rona discovers one of the strippers is her ex-fiancé, and Frank makes a trip to the Porter house to make amends with Ben for being absent all his life. Meanwhile, David brings home a Saint Christopher medal he found when playing in a graveyard. |
| 10 |
4 |
"Hormones" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
29 September 1992 (1992-09-29) |
| Imagining himself to be the Terminator, Ben drives aggressively on the way to Parents' Evening at David's school, and cuts up a Ford Escort. Bill begins to wonder if Ben is influencing David's growing obsession with violence and death, though Ben denies it. Everyone thinks Jenny is malingering to avoid taking part in P.E. until Rona confronts her about her behaviour. Ben spots the driver of the Escort and issues a challenges to the driver, but when he finds out the driver is disabled, he feels ashamed. Bill fears she is pregnant, and buys a home pregnancy test. When she discovers one of the testers is missing, she thinks Jenny is pregnant, and Rona has to convince Jenny to confide in Bill that she is suffering from bulimia. Ben challenges the Escort driver to a race, but loses; and he reveals to Bill that he took the pregnancy test and it says he is pregnant. |
| 11 |
5 |
"The Skeletons in the Cupboard" |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
6 October 1992 (1992-10-06) |
| Bill finds out about Angelo's death, and Ben begins to film everyone on his camcorder, hoping to send the footage into You've Been Framed, a candid-camera television show. Feeling unfulfilled and strained by the hours she has to work at the airline meals factory, Bill decides to find another job. At home, the family are still unwilling to help with the chores, so Bill tells Jenny and David they can be in charge of the household for the night; however, Bill and Ben refuse to do what they are told, so they are sent to their bedroom without being given their tea. Bill sets off to the interview wearing the Saint Christopher that David found in the graveyard. Meanwhile, Rona agrees to go on a date with Gordon, the stripper, and her ex-fiancé. Gordon takes Rona to a singles bar, where he discovers that since their break-up, Rona has been bed-hopping with many men. Bill's job interview does not go well; she finds her interviewer is naked and thinks he is a dog after suffering a nervous breakdown since being made redundant, and discovers that the job she came to interview for does not actually exist. At home, Ben is still filming Bill, hoping she will do something silly so he can send it to the television show. Under the stress of being constantly filmed, and with feelings of failure, Bill breaks down until Rona arrives and reveals she is marrying Gordon, and wants Bill to do the catering for the wedding. |
| 12 |
6 |
"Bird on a Wire" PART ONE |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
13 October 1992 (1992-10-13) |
| Rona gets ready for her shotgun wedding to Gordon, and the Porters' house is in chaos as Bill prepares the food. David keeps complaining that he feels sick and wants to stay at home, and Ben decides to escape the house and hide out in the car as he is constantly getting in the way. David joins him, and asks his father about sex and love, but Ben does not have an answer. Bill finds David's dead badger in the kitchen and realises she has decorated the mini trifles with David's fake eyes. As she shouts at him, she notices a cut on his finger and sends him to the bathroom for a plaster. Bill arrives at Rona's house, but through the kitchen window sees her hanging from the light fitting in her wedding dress. Assuming she has hanged herself, Bill puts her head through the cat flap to find out what happened; Rona explains she was changing a light bulb when the ladder fell and she is now trapped. Relieved, Bill tries to crawl back through the cat flap but finds her head is stuck. With the help of a passing door-to-door salesman, Rona and Bill are set free, but back at the Porter house, Jenny discovers David is unconscious. Rona tells Bill and Ben to take David to the hospital in her wedding car, leaving Rona trying to hail a taxi. A doctor tells Bill and Ben that David is suffering from tetanus, and is in a serious condition. |
| 13 |
7 |
"Thank Your Lucky Stars" PART TWO |
Richard Boden |
Andrew Marshall |
20 October 1992 (1992-10-20) |
| While Bill, Ben and Jenny await news of David from the doctor, Rona is waiting at a bus stop to get to her wedding. At the hospital, Bill blames herself for not listening to David when he complained of being ill, and compares herself to an incompetent mother who wears a shell suit and appears on the local news when their child has died after playing on train tracks, ignorant as to why he would be dead. Jenny professes her guilt for not checking up on him when she was more concerned with a spot. Ben, however, feels David's situation is not his fault. On the bus, Rona is sat next to a talkative old lady whose conversation is convincing Rona to back out of the wedding. While David lies in a coma, Angelo the biker appears to him in a dream, and tells him that he has to make the decision to live or die. David tells Angelo that he feels unwanted and unloved by his family, and is not sure whether to continue living. When Rona arrives at the church, she sees her side of the seating is filled with her boyfriends, and at the last minute runs out on her groom. In David's hospital room, Ben begins talking to the unconscious David, explaining that he loves him and the family want him back. David suddenly awakes, and throws up over Ben. |
| # |
Title |
Original airdate |
| 15 |
"The Secret Diary Of David Porter" |
7 September 1993 (1993-09-07) |
| Cleaning David’s room, Bill finds his diary and reads it showing the previous mishaps at the Porters’. These include David cutting up a brain with a bread knife, and Rona’s gay brother getting close and personal with Ben. Meanwhile Bill visits an unhinged relative who refuses to leave her flat. |
| 16 |
"When the Children are Asleep" |
14 September 1993 (1993-09-14) |
| Whilst David and Jenny are asleep, Bill and Ben see two men smuggling goods into a car, leading them to believe the pair are thieves. Bill and Ben trespass in their neighbours’ home only leading to themselves looking like thieves. |
| 17 |
"Badger's Bend" |
21 September 1993 (1993-09-21) |
| Ben becomes addicted to a computer game, trying to relieve the stress of his decline in customers, while Rona visits an old Catholic school. |
| 18 |
"Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown" |
28 September 1993 (1993-09-28) |
| Ben gets locked out of his house and Jenny helps her mum and Rona in a catering event. Unfortunately, the day is stressful for the women and added to their troubles is the murderous Tina. |
| 19 |
"Beam Me Up, Scotty" |
5 October 1993 (1993-10-05) |
| Ben’s feud with a rival heating repairman is brought to an end when the man supposedly dies; a Star Trek funeral is prepared. An inspector visits Bill's house to see if her kitchen is fit for a catering business, and it seems a curse has descended on Bill. |
| 20 |
"Whoopee We're All Going To Die" |
12 October 1993 (1993-10-12) |
| The Porters go on holiday to Florida, however later go to Miami to escape a hurricane named Bill that seems to be following them. Meanwhile Rona tries seducing another boyfriend. |
| # |
Title |
Original airdate |
| 22 |
"The Parent Trap" |
5 September 1994 (1994-09-05) |
| Bill promises Jenny that she won't do anything embarrassing when meeting her boyfriend's parents, but some frozen cockroaches and an inflatable Pope intervene. |
| 23 |
"Family Plot" |
12 September 1994 (1994-09-12) |
| In order to enjoy an evening without the television, the radio and the stereo, Bill disposes of the fuse wire, only leading to chaos. |
| 24 |
"Fortuosity" |
19 September 1994 (1994-09-19) |
| Bill receives a chain letter threatening dire bad luck if not continued. Against Ben's wishes she tears it up, and unlikely events begin occurring. When another four copies of the letter arrive, suspicion falls upon Rona causing an argument. Meanwhile Ben is about to jump out of an aeroplane on his first parachute jump. |
| 25 |
"Curiosity Killed the Cat" |
26 September 1994 (1994-09-26) |
| Bill is sick in bed and worried about what's going on outside her bedroom. Ben is looking after the Grimeses' cat during their latest holiday, and it’s imperative nothing happens to it. Meanwhile Rona is up to something according to Bill's telescope. |
| 26 |
"Frenzy" |
3 October 1994 (1994-10-03) |
| Bill's new kitchen is finally finished, but she is too busy working in it to deal with Jenny's problems with a well-developed rival at the school show. Rona's baby making attempts have now become so strange that Tony is planning to leave. Bill and Rona discover two cobras in Rona's living room; somewhat trivial when Bill realises her house is on fire. Ben and David help out Jenny with her performance of the Blues Brothers' "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love". |
| 27 |
"You Only Live Twice" |
10 October 1994 (1994-10-10) |
| The Porters' house is on fire, and after the fire brigade leave, a tearful Bill looks at the damage to her home. However Bette arrives with a skip to clean up the mess, and there's a sudden enthusiasm to clean up the wreckage. Meanwhile Rona has suggested to Tony that he stays whether or not they have a baby. |
| # |
Title |
Original airdate |
| 29 |
"Greed" |
2 October 1995 (1995-10-02) |
| To Bill’s dislike Ben has bought a lottery ticket and the prospect of winning millions causes arguments in the Porter household. However Bill is thrown into panic when she believes Ben’s lottery ticket has been destroyed in the washing machine. |
| 30 |
"We'd Like To Know A Little Bit About You For Our Files" |
9 October 1995 (1995-10-09) |
| David’s acting oddly sneaking out the house and Bill is determined to find out what he's up to. |
| 31 |
"The Deep" |
16 October 1995 (1995-10-16) |
| While the Grimeses are on holiday, Bill is unknowingly looking after their pets. When finding out she rushes round to their house to find a pond of dead fish. Already in deep trouble with the neighbours after previously killing their dog, Bill and Ben go in search for replacements. |
| 32 |
"Mayday" |
23 October 1995 (1995-10-23) |
| Ben and David attempt to fix the wall they have destroyed while Jenny prepares for her boyfriend and German grandma’s visit to the Porter household. However, when Bill’s anti-German mother also arrives, Jenny suspects the day will not be a smooth one. |
| 33 |
"Seven Dials" |
30 October 1995 (1995-10-30) |
| David prepares for his school drama performance and Ben and Bill are determined to see their son on stage, however the pairs’ day takes a surreal turn when Ben wakes up in an eerie town and Bill and Rona stumble across a mysterious warehouse. |
| 34 |
"The Truth Is Out There" |
6 November 1995 (1995-11-06) |
| The Porters gather in Rona’s to test out a ghost-tracking device, to see if Rona’s deceased mother has risen from the grave, an event that leads to Rona making a shocking discovery. |
| # |
Title |
Original airdate |
| 36 |
"Dog-Day Afternoon" |
14 November 1996 (1996-11-14) |
| With nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon, Bill and Rona compete with Ben and David to solve Jenny's latest boyfriend problems. But the contest gets rather out of hand. |
| 37 |
"The Lady Vanishes" |
21 November 1996 (1996-11-21) |
| On an eerie Halloween evening, the Porters consider the implications of the disappearance of Mrs Crudal, their next door neighbour, and the delivery of a rather large box to the same address. |
| 38 |
"Vertigo" |
28 November 1996 (1996-11-28) |
| Bill's aunt Belle, now living in a tower block, is the unwitting cause of an argument between her daughter and Rona as to whether horoscopes are truthful. But only the outcome of a terrifying ordeal can prove if they are. |
| 39 |
"The Trouble With Harry" |
5 December 1996 (1996-12-05) |
| Bowing to Ben's long-time desire to have a family dog, Bill agrees against her better judgement to have an imaginary dog for a trial period. |
| 40 |
"The Man Who Knew Too Much" |
12 December 1996 (1996-12-12) |
| Ben's increasing dissatisfaction with imminent middle age results in him applying to join the exclusive plumber society - The Brotherhood of the Plunger. |
| 41 |
"The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe" |
19 December 1996 (1996-12-19) |
| While Ben's mid-life crisis increases, Bill is astonished to be left two items by a distant relation: a strange-looking wardrobe and a genuine fur coat. |
| 42 |
"And Now The Screaming Starts" |
20 December 1996 (1996-12-20) |
| Ben is still missing and Rona has discovered a baby under a bush near a hospital. Bill is caught between these two crises as she attempts to solve them. |
| # |
Title |
Original airdate |
| 44 |
"Perfect Day" |
26 February 1998 (1998-02-26) |
| Ben's returned home with a completely unsuitable replacement for the car that results in the entire family progressively not speaking to each other, causing trouble for Rona's hopes of adoption. |
| 45 |
"When Saturday Comes" |
5 March 1998 (1998-03-05) |
| Ben and David’s football team wins, but Ben believes it was for superstitious reasons, hence he insists the Porters act out exactly the same routine every Saturday when his team plays. |
| 46 |
"Malcolm X" |
12 March 1998 (1998-03-12) |
| An old flame of Bill’s blows back into her life, Malcolm, a wealthy women-charmer, who takes Bill away from her stressful motherly role. However Ben gets jealous, and travels to Scotland after the pair. |
| 47 |
"The Sweet Hereafter" |
19 March 1998 (1998-03-19) |
| Ben brings home a box of food products to test for market research, amongst the items is a sinister chocolate bar, the “Drool Bar”, that has profound effects on those who eat it. |
| 48 |
"When Did You Last See Your Father?" |
26 March 1998 (1998-03-26) |
| Bill’s mother takes her to a warehouse where her father was frozen. Unfortunately for Bill she has to take the old man in his freezer back with her, sending a chill through the Porter house, until he can be collected. |
| 49 |
"The Italian Job" |
2 April 1998 (1998-04-02) |
| David’s Italian exchange student is staying with the Porters, but Bill was not prepared for his demanding ways. However herself and Ben make more of an effort when discovering who the boy really is. |
| 50 |
"The Heart Has Its Reasons" |
9 April 1998 (1998-04-09) |
| Jenny is taken to University by her parents; arriving there Ben’s van gets broken into by children, one of which Bill and Ben begin to sympathise with when learning about him. This leads to the pair taking him into their home. |
| # |
Title |
Original airdate |
| 51 |
"Fame" |
16 November 1999 (1999-11-16) Viewing Figures 7.01m |
| A film crew arrive at the Porters’ to film a fly on the wall documentary about family life, but Bill thinks it is not a good idea and is determined to get the rest of the family to think the same. |
| 52 |
"Enter The Dragon" |
23 November 1999 (1999-11-23) Viewing Figures 7.00m |
| Declan has arrived for a series of weekend stays, but unfortunately Bette has also come to stay in Jenny's vacant room. Her indulgence of Declan's behaviour causes a serious discipline problem. |
| 53 |
"Sticky Fingers" |
30 November 1999 (1999-11-30) Viewing Figures 6.94m |
| Jenny returns home to stay, but with a boy, not to Ben’s approval. Ben fears the pair will have sex under his roof, so contrives a scheme to make Jenny’s boyfriend too tired to do anything. Meanwhile Bill, Rona and Jenny get themselves into a sticky situation. |
| 54 |
"After The Fox" |
7 December 1999 (1999-12-07) Viewing Figures 6.47m |
| In order to make a winning bid on a catering job, Bill is persuaded against her better judgement to take a trip to France to get cheaper alcohol. Unfortunately, Rona has accidentally allowed a small dog to stowaway on the van, that isn't a dog. |
| 55 |
"Carry On Screaming" |
14 December 1999 (1999-12-14) No Viewing Figures Shown |
| It's Halloween, and Social Services report that Declan is to be fostered permanently with the Porters, but the appearance of Ben's long lost Uncle Lon reveals a secret about his missing Mother's family. Ben is forced to come to a horrifying conclusion. |
| 56 |
"The Millennium Experience" |
30 December 1999 (1999-12-30) Viewing Figures 9.03m[1] |
| As the Porters gather to see in the new century, Tina arrives and causes a power cut, causing them to spend the night in darkness reminiscing about all the many situations the family have found themselves in. Later it is believed there is an unexploded World War Two Bomb in the street. |